Tips to help you girl-gasm
Orgasm is a State of Mind
If an O just isn't happening, play a few Jedi mind tricks with yourself before your clothes come off. Read or watch some sexy stuff—erotica, porn, or listen to a hot indie band (try The xx).
Indulge a Fantasy
Think about a hot scenario before and yes, during, sex. (A lot of women worry this is somehow wrong, like mental cheating. It's not.) So go ahead, play sexy little movies in your mind about whatever turns you on—a hot moment you had last year, Gosling
, or a vision of what's to come.
Turn off your phone…or the lights if you think you're going to be self-conscious about your body. You want to be in the moment, not thinking about your thighs.
Take a Shower
All that steam will set the scene…and you won't be lying there worrying about how you taste or smell when you should be focusing on your orgasm.
Stop Thinking About Him
Let him know you want to trade off nights when it's all about you and other nights when you can return the favor. You may just hit a rhythm where you're in sync with each other
and every night is a home run for both of you!
Don't Freak Out...
If you feel like it's not going to happen. On average, it takes a woman 20 minutes of direct stimulation to have an orgasm (some women take more or less—that's normal too). It's common to reach a plateau phase, when you're turned on but feel like you've stalled. Don't lose hope. Stick with what got you to that point and you'll likely get there. If you don't, you probably will next time!
The Right Touch
Don't make the common mistake of expecting him to "give" you an orgasm. You're more likely to get your kicks if you take things into your own hands (sometimes literally) and realize that it might take a little multitasking to get you there.
Lend Yourself a Hand
Touch your clitoris during sex (or have your guy do it). Reach down with confidence—if you're worried about bruising his ego, it's just the opposite—it's a turn-on for him to see you so turned on.
Steal From His Playbook
Guys are usually great at taking charge of a sexual situation. They adjust their stimulation, speed, and angle to increase the chance of having an orgasm. Most women don't think to borrow this strategy, but it's smart to own your needs rather than expect him to figure them out.
Give a High School Throwback a Chance
Dry humping is hugely underrated, probably because it's called dry humping. But some women have difficulty finding the touch and rhythm that works for them, even with their own hand. When you grind against his pelvic bone or his penis (before he enters you), animal instinct takes over, allowing your body to go on autopilot and find a motion that will get you off.
Do Two Things at Once
While he's going down on you
, ask him to put a finger or two inside you, and/or move your hips against his mouth to help create a rhythm that feels best for you. Many times, it's a combination of things, rather than just one move, that hits the magic button.
Help Him Help You!
Sex educator Emily Morse, host of Sex With Emily on SiriusXM Satellite radio and on iTunes, advises: Cover his hand with your own, and use the motion that you use on yourself. Or use your vibrator in front of him so he can get a front-row seat to watch what works. Guys are action-oriented, so showing him what you like as opposed to telling him is the way to go.
Break Out of an Orgasm Rut
If you're lucky enough to have figured out a go-to, it doesn't mean your big moment can't be even bigger. Who couldn't use more tricks in their repertoire? Girl-on-top gets you going because your clitoris gets lots of stimulation. The CAT delivers similar benefits. Get into missionary position, then have him position himself so his pelvis is in line with yours. Then, he should use a figure-eight motion to massage your clitoris with his pelvic bone.
Read more: Orgasm Guaranteed - How to Have a Girl-gasm - Cosmopolitan
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